Severus Snape: God of Physical Congress
by I M Sterling
Summary: Severus Snape was dragooned into being a God after his death in the Shreaking Shack... Fun, fluff, and just a bit cracky. Rated M, obviously.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: At exactly 6:57 on a random Wednesday night, I was talking to Dragoon811 and I made an off-hand comment about Severus Snape. "If he doesn't come out and play on some real fics soon, I'm going to write a crack-fic where he's wearing a pink and gold loincloth."**_

 _ **By 7:17 I had agreed to write this (And I blame yoooooou Dragoon.)**_

 _ **PS: If you haven't seen her take on what we are terming The Severus Sex God Challenge, go read it. I had to stop in the middle to catch my breath and wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes.**_

 _ **You will notice some glaring similarities…some of those were in the challenge…some of them are because she is extremely accomplished**_ _ **at**_ _ **Legilimency**_

 _ **As always, everything Harry Potter belongs to JKR.**_

Chapter 1

Severus Snape was not a charitable man, nor a man who tolerated fools…except of course for the occasional megalomaniac time-wasting fool with homicidal tendencies…which was how he'd gotten on the floor of the shrieking shack in the first place….

So he decided that he'd give Lord Hades, God of the Underworld his full attention. It seemed the politic thing to do.

Hades smirked, as if he could hear Severus' thoughts.

"You quite clearly should be going to Elysium, but my brother has another task in mind for you."

Severus frowned. He'd earned whatever rest he could find in the afterlife.

Hades held out a goblet.

He raised a dark eyebrow. "It's for the best you know. You'd be bored senseless in Elysium within a week. Within a hundred years I'd have to dunk you in the River Lethe to keep you from conspiring to steal my throne. This is a better solution."

Severus found himself lifting the cup of golden liquid to his lips. For some reason he trusted those dark eyes…

He drank.

It burned.

 **SS**

His next impression was of light. He felt…amazing. There was no pain…nothing but a strong sense of limitless possibility.

Deep grey eyes met his as he blinked slowly.

"Awake. Very good. Ambrosia doesn't work on every mortal soul."

Severus cleared his throat. "What does it do, if it doesn't 'work'?

The woman gave him a wry, affectionate smile. "There speaks the potion master." Her slender hand cradled his head as she lifted his upper body effortlessly into a sitting position. "When there is not enough Olympian blood in one's line, ambrosia simply burns the body to ash."

Severus felt as clear of mind as he had ever felt in his life.

"Excuse me?"

The woman smiled again. "Surely you, a half-blood, wondered why 'Wizards' started popping up all over the world after the fall of the Roman empire?"

Of course he had. The debate had gone on for centuries, and was a particularly hot subject in the Slytherin common room after a few rounds of butterbeer.

The grey-eyed beauty nodded.

"You know who we are."

He looked around and groaned. If the stories were true…yes, he knew.

"The Olympians."

A hearty, faux- jovial voice huffed "Well he knows then, let's get on with this. I'm meeting a nymph at two for a…facial."

A stern woman in a gown made of peacock feathers frowned and rolled her eyes.

Severus looked around.

There were there. Zeus, Hera, Hermes, Aphrodite, Hephaestus…and…

"Athena."

The woman with the grey eyes nodded once, regally. "You have ever been one of my mindset, though the blasted sorting hat put you in Hades' house."

Hades smirked. "That's because he WAS one of mine."

Severus shook his head. "No…my mother was a witch, my father a muggle…"

"They both had a few drops of Olympian blood. Which makes you a Wizard…or what we once called a demi-god." Hades looked particularly smug.

"Enough with the History lesson. He can grab whichever Muse it is that keeps up with that nonsense and get caught up later. My…er…facial can't wait." The king of the gods was practically bouncing in his seat.

Every goddess in the room rolled her eyes, with the exception of the blond bombshell reclining on the couch….the mischievous look on her face was unmistakable to a man who had taught Fred and George Weasley.

Aphrodite dimpled when she caught him looking and winked.

Zeus unfurled a scroll with careless haste.

"Blah, blah,blah..Cupid resigning as god of romantic love and sex to become the god of Macramé…Athena ceding the position to Cupid, including all marketing rights…"

Athena muttered "Like anyone markets macramé." Severus almost smiled at her vehement put-down of the 'art'.

Zeus paid absolutely no attention. "Leaving the position of god of sex open. As no Olympian wishes to take on additional duties…" He eyed the others reproachfully. "A new God of proper bloodlines shall be found and tried via ambrosia…test complete….blah, blah blah…all the duties and copy rights of the God of Sex are henceforth and forever passed to Severus Snape, our new Sex God." A lightning bold hit the floor as Zeus jumped from his throne. "Motion passed, business complete, council adjourned."

He was nearly running as he left the council chambers, while the stern-faced woman pulled on a goat-skin (that was still dripping blood) and stalked out after her husband, closely followed by a woman with a choppy, punk rock hairdo who looked positively gleeful at the probability of a scene between the king and queen of the Gods.

Athena and Aphrodite nodded pleasantly to each other.

The blond purred. "That went well."

Athena looked around. "As long as Hera doesn't notice your hand in the matter."

The blond waved a graceful hand. "With our fearless leader's reputation? Why should she look any further? I've seen him in that state hundreds of times without any help from me." She wrinkled her perfect nose. "Eris had better watch herself, she was practically drooling at the prospect of bad blood between Zeus and Hera. Why isn't she in the Middle East with Ares?"

"I heard from Hermes that she stirred up trouble between Ares and his favorite general."

"Well, she is the goddess of discord. It's too bad we can't confine her to the underworld."

Aphrodite laughed. "Hades would toss her in the Styx." She turned to Severus. "So this is our new cohort." She let her eyes roam and Severus found himself wishing for a robe over his frock coat…or two. "Not what I would have chosen exactly, but I see the appeal."

Severus frowned. "Pardon my asking, but what in Merlin's name just happened here?"

The Goddess laughed. "You are closer to Merlin than you think. That was the last time we dabbled in the mortal realm, and nothing proves that we should mind our own business like Camelot."

Athena grimaced and waved her hand. "I know, I know…I knew it was a bad idea even when I started but I was just sick to death of the dark ages. No one was building anything but mud huts."

Aphrodite patted her on the wrist.

"I know dear, but you outdid yourself during the Renaissance. I don't think even the Parthenon rivals Notre Dame."

Severus cleared his throat.

Aphrodite sighed. "My son, Cupid, has been requesting a transfer for two hundred years. Frankly, I can't blame him. He's never been the same since his wife ran off with his brother; I suppose it made being the God of Romantic love a bit of a bother. Of course _she_ wasn't the same after I gave the little hussy a Gorgon makeover." The blond beauty was suddenly fierce, and downright frightening.

Athena nodded. "And since I frankly hate being the Goddess of handcrafts, we came up with a solution. You aren't the first Wizard to take the ambrosia, but you are the first to survive it."

"How comforting. I missed the part where I became entangled in this."

Athena didn't seem to mind the sarcasm. "We've been randomly giving ambrosia to Wizards who are dying anyway. Hades can delay death, so he administered the test. It's been busy with the war on, but eventually we found the right recessive genes in your bloodline…apparently it's Hades on both sides. He's going to be insufferable about that…" She exchanged a mildly amused look with the blond goddess and shrugged. "Anything to avoid thinking about his last 'direct descendant' I suppose. So now you are the God of Sex…instead of being another dead hero in Elysium."

Aphrodite chimed in. "It's fairly straight-forward actually. Your power comes from humans having sex. Not like the old days when we had to bother with rituals, and priests, and chanting."

She frowned prettily. "I had a four-hundred year headache after Troy fell."

Athena scoffed. "You were just a sore loser."

Aphrodite tossed her hair. Her glare promised retribution, but she continued as if nothing had happened. "All you have to do is encourage humans to do what humans do…you'll work closely with me of course, since I'm the goddess of love…and there are one or two of the muses that you'll want to be on good terms with, Erotic Poetry will not hurt your cause… but you won't have much to do with Aries or Hephaestus, or even Zeus unless he demands that you put a lust spell on some human girl."

All three of them shuddered. Severus was forcibly reminded of being one of Voldemort's Death Eaters. He was not looking forward to _that_.

Aphrodite beamed. "Oh and you'll need a change of clothes…can't be wandering around Olympus looking like that." She waved her hand and he was suddenly wearing a loincloth. A pink and gold loincloth.

She grinned. "That's better. Well, I'm sure Athena can show you the ropes…and chains" her smile was wicked. "I'm off to Paris for the weekend. I'm heavily invested in the Euro at the moment and one way to ensure that it stays strong is to make sure the City of Love has plenty of _l'amore."_

Severus held himself perfectly still.

Athena smirked at his long bare leg. "You do know that one of the perks of being a God instead of a wizard is that you can change your clothing just by snapping your fingers?"

Thank Merlin for small favors.

 **AN: So that's chapter one. I'll try to post every other day. I'm just cleaning up the story at this point. It's running about 10,000 words at the moment, so at roughly 2,000 words a piece we'd have five updates. That's the current plan at any rate. We'll see if it works!**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I cut this scene originally, but I love it too much to let it go. So, here is a little bonus while I work on the next chapter.

Bonus scene:

Severus was once again decently clad (in black of course). He and Athena were walking toward a park in Muggle London.

She waved an elegant hand. "So, this is what we do now. We try to stay in places where people do what we do…Aphrodite spends a lot of time in Paris, Aries hovers around the Middle East like a vulture, I have a Victorian Renovation near M.I.T…Hephaestus has a penthouse in Silicon Valley."

Severus raised a brow. "And Zeus and Hera?"

"They tend to stay mostly in Rome and Greece, though Hera spent most of Queen Victoria's reign in Great Brittan, and Zeus is so annoyed with the current situation with Greece's economy he's refused to set foot in the country since the 90's."

"Tell me about the founders of Hogwarts."

She nodded. "We'd just ballsed up the whole idea of Camelot…and the witches and wizards who didn't get themselves killed in the battles were being persecuted by the muggles around them. Demeter, Aries, Hades and I decided to make a safe place for our bloodlines…it was safer for everyone."

"You designed Hogwarts."

"And Aries and I designed the defenses. They were meant for Muggles though, not for warring factions of wizards."

"It did not matter in the end."

"No, Apollo is ridiculously proud that a prophesy was the end of that conflict."

"The sun god?"

"That's not exactly what we call him behind his back. Hades is always picking off his favored musicians…just to annoy him. Little bastard takes after Zeus."

"I thought Zeus was your father too."

"I emerged full-grown from his mind." Athena shrugged. "I'm the product of his higher brain…the part he doesn't use much."

Severus noticed that the Muggles around them were scribbling on various pieces of paper.

"That's me. When I come around they invent." A couple on the park bench adjacent to them began to embrace passionately.

"And that's you. We'd better keep moving. We don't want to see the results if they get inventive like that in public…after all, you are the God of Sex."

Severus rolled his eyes. "I'll thank you to term it the God of Physical Congress, if you please."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: This is still rated M, and JKR still owns all things Harry Potter.**

 **Five years later:**

Most of the time, Severus walked invisibly through the mortal realm. He rarely allowed himself to be seen. Occasionally, when things were too quiet, he'd allow some dunderhead to snap a blurred picture. He had to admit, the younger generation's obsession with his life and death was slightly amusing. He often reflected that the popular phrase 'Snape Lives' emblazoned robes were not completely correct.

He wasn't dead.

But he wouldn't call being a god really living.

To start with, he'd never been much of a voyeur. And Zeus (the insufferable windbag was worse than Dumbledore) had decreed that gods and mortals should not have…relations of that sort. It was the greatest taboo in the immortal realm. Since Zeus himself had been the most prolific seducer of mortals, Severus doubted that it had mattered much to anyone beside himself and Hera.

But it did matter a bit to Severus. It meant his romantic options were limited to the various goddesses (who tended to look down at their noses at him…as if he hadn't had more than enough of that) and the nymphs (and he drew the line at making love to a tree).

So he was stuck influencing everyone else toward passions of the flesh, and his occasional moments of desire were left unheeded.

Still, there were a few perks…besides being 'not dead'.

Young Draco Malfoy was dancing with Astoria Greengrass. The dark-headed pure-blood girl was not the boy's normal fare. Narcissa was pushing for the match.

Draco looked bored. Severus grinned.

"Try a bit of this then…" The power, so much more responsive than his old magic, swirled around the room.

Severus laughed as the unmistakable signs of attraction began to show up in the couple…he snagged a glass of chilled wine from a house elf that wasn't bothered by his attendance in the least. There was some quiet agreement between the elves (who could of course see even invisible 'gods' and the Olympic pantheon). Severus made a mental note to ask Athena.

A bit of red hair caught his attention.

What in Merlin's name were Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley doing in Malfoy manor? He drifted closer to eavesdrop.

"She cannot be _in_ the wedding Harry. What will the papers say?"

"Ginny….she's my best friend."

The red-head pouted. "And your ex-girlfriend." She cupped her lover's face tenderly, obviously a writhing mass of insecurity in spite of the oversized diamond on her finger.

Potter sighed and ran a hand through his already mussed hair, then kissed her fingers. Damn it, it didn't matter if Severus was consciously using his power or not, everyone reacted like that when he came into the room.

Potter pulled the witch close and kissed his bride to be. "Hermione is going to be in the wedding. I'll tell her to bring a date."

Ginny snorted. "Oh Harry…she never dates."

Severus smirked. Oh really? He could fix that.

He did love a challenge.

 **SS**

Severus put most of his old life under the heading of 'water under the bridge.' He did what he had to do to bring down a madman.

Most.

He did have a few regrets.

One of those was being forced to bully and degrade some of the finest minds that had ever entered his classroom. Dumbledore had insisted, and he knew that it was an important part of his persona. It had been absurdly easy to sneer at most of the students…the little dunderheads hadn't used half the brains they'd been born with.

But there had been a few notable exceptions.

Most of those, he'd been able to subtly help…even Fred and George Weasley had found answers to their potions problems while serving detention.

But Hermione Granger?

She'd been muggle-born and the best friend of Harry Potter.

He had been forced to be absolutely wretched to her. It made him angry every single time he thought about it.

The ignominy of taking points away from a student for being right…for being interested…when the others barely stopped drooling long enough to write down the assignment. It had been a very personal frustration for him.

And so, it pleased him to travel to London and look for her.

 **SS**

She was little changed from what he remembered as he observed her moving through the halls of the Ministry with a pile of books held securely in her arms and a pile of files following in her wake. If anything, she seemed even less aware of the other witches and wizards around her as she went through her day, book firmly in front of her nose, cup of fragrant tea charmed to stay warm and avoid her elbows.

He followed her to her flat. It wasn't so much decorated as covered…in books. It was a bibliophile's wet dream. He waited for her to fall asleep…still with the book in front of her nose, and then perused the titles for the rest of the night. He could sleep, but he didn't need to.

Unfortunately, the amorous undertakings of her neighbors awakened the sleeping Miss Granger at an early hour the next morning.

"Bloody newlyweds."

She growled at the ceiling as she pushed her rampant curls out of her face and stumbled toward the tea pot.

He followed quietly as she followed the age-old rituals of making tea.

She wasn't bad looking…a bit scrawny…there was a good bet she forgot to eat half the time and lived on tea and whatever biscuits were close at hand.

She had the book in front of her open as she sipped. Hmmm….advanced charm-work. Exactly what he would have expected from her.

She pointed her wand at the pantry and a loaf of bread floated out and toast began to assemble itself.

So she did know how to feed herself. That was reassuring.

Now, how to find out which fellow she fancied…a muggle girl would have a phone or a computer (and he'd gotten fairly adept in the past five years breaking into either of them) But despite living in a muggle-style flat, Hermione didn't seem to have many of the muggle appliances. She had a pantry with chilling charms instead of a refrigerator. There was no microwave or stove.

She finished her tea and toast and made her way to her shower.

Severus took the opportunity to look in her bedroom. It was neat, except for the bed, which looked like a giant marshmallow that might eat the occupant with all the down pillows and comforter, and ruffles. Without examining his reason too closely he stopped to sniff the pillow. Mouthwatering.

His sense of smell had become even more sensitive as his power had matured. He could smell the artificial floral scent from her shampoo and soap, but under that were scents hat allowed him to ascertain that she was single, not a virgin but hardly experienced, healthy, and twenty-one days into her cycle. ..ovulating.

He looked around. No pictures. None of her family, none of her friends. Not even one of the battered half-kneezle she'd kept at Hogwarts.

He poked around as she walked into the room. Ah…photographs were in a dusty box under the bed. Painful memories? Perhaps.

He averted his eyes while she dressed, but he noticed her figure. Without robes she was still too skinny. Her hair was in decent shape; she'd done something to make the curls behave and then twisted them up on her head.

He followed her to work and she continued as she had the day before. It was rather dull but the day was broken up by sudden displays of passion in the hallway outside her dingy little closet of an office. Severus smirked.

Hermione was completely unaffected. Perhaps she just didn't find most of the males at the Ministry attractive. Severus had to applaud her taste.

She looked up when someone knocked softly at her office door.

Potter stood there, hair messy, robes open, looking like an ad for a Quidditch calendar. Severus toned down his aura immediately…no need to help the little prig out.

"Hello Harry."

Potter grinned and sat down in one of the chairs. "Hey Mione."

She raised her brows, clearly waiting for him to continue. "So I uh…talked to Ginny and she agreed that you can be my 'Best Man'."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Harry. You are marring Ron's sister. Just let Ron be your best man."

Potter frowned. "Hermione , you know very well we aren't even close anymore. First, I dated you, and now I'm marrying Ginny…he can barely stand to be in the same room as me for more than five minutes, and that's when he's in the country. George is a better mate than he is. If you don't want to, I can ask Neville…"

She sighed. "Harry, it isn't that I want to hurt you…it's just that Molly and Ginny don't want the papers to talk about you and me on Ginny's wedding day."

"I don't care what the papers say. You are my best friend."

Granger dimpled. "Thanks. But as your best friend, I think that the best thing I can do is sit this one out. Is there any way that Ginny would agree to the idea of neither of you having attendants? That way you skip all the awkwardness and the papers can avoid all the 'former Golden Trio' nastiness."

Potter slumped. "You are the only family I have."

She leaned forward and squeezed his hand lightly.

"I'll always be that. Now run along, I have real work to do."

Potter grinned and walked out the door.

Hermione sighed as she watched him go, a slight sadness in her eyes.

Oh balls. Was the chit in love with Potter?

Author's note: I think I have chapter four ready as well, so I'll post that late tonight or tomorrow, but after that expect updates every other day!


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sure it's earlier than expected…but I've been gone a long time…so that's ok. Still rated M (but you knew that.) and JKR still owns Harry Potter. (You knew that too).**

Severus experimented that day. True, there wasn't much to choose from at the Ministry…but Kingsley was still in decent form, single, and Severus supposed that he was considered attractive by most witches. He was certainly powerful and amiable. It took very little to lure the man into Hermione's office.

When Kingsley came into the room, Hermione greeted him properly, and ignored the subtle signs of attraction the wizard was clearly showing. She should have been more responsive since she was in estrus.

Severus toned down the sex aura and Kingsley left, the wizard obviously feeling slightly confused about his sudden attraction to the witch.

Ah.

Oh.

Well that could be it. If she were attracted to witches, nothing he could do would make her notice a mere man.

If the Ministry was a bit thin on the ground when it came to single attractive men, finding a single, attractive female who preferred witches was impossible. Severus gave up and went find a witch he had known well before his….change.

Millie Bullstrode had grown into an attractive witch, built on the lines of a classic statue…thick dark hair, good bones, excellent posture. She had made her preference known in the Slythern common room years before he became headmaster. Severus immediately realized that while she did have a current lover he deduced that the bond was light and easily broken.

Excellent.

Now how to get the two witches together?

In the end Severus faked a summons to the Ministry, and had a plain owl deliver it. A grumpy Millie left work early and flooed to the Ministry just when Hermione normally took her break. She walked in, nose in a book, right on time.

Severus turned up the magic as the two witches passed.

Millie's head turned like a greyhound catching a scent.

"Granger?"

Hermione looked up from her book and smiled slightly.

"Millicent…How are you?"

The witch stroked her sleek dark hair and smiled widely. "Very well. How have you been?"

Hermione smiled absently. "Oh you know the song and dance here at the Ministry. Harry was raving about your new Firebolt."

Mille preened. "It's one of my best yet. Do you have time for a cuppa? I have to be in the Department of Records by the end of business to update a patent, but I have time to spare."

Hermione happily agreed to the idea of 'catching up' and Severus followed, radiating power all the way. There. That would clear up his conscience about Miss Hermione Granger rather nicely…

Except that Miss Hermione Granger refused to do more than be friendly and polite toward the other witch, who was clearly interested in other activities. But Hermione did nothing. What was wrong with the girl?

Merlin's shaggy nose hair. He was going to have to pull out the big wand. He'd have to ask Aphrodite for advice.

 **SS**

The Goddess of Love was a fan of chocolate…she made more money off of candy than any of the other members of the pantheon made on a single product. It wasn't hard to locate her when Severus concentrated. Finding her lounging around a Swiss chocolate shop was nothing new.

In the past five years Severus had learned that under those golden curls there was a powerful, cunning mind. It was just as well she hadn't participated in the founding of Hogwarts. He didn't want to think of what the halls would have looked like with an entire house dedicated to the charming, beautiful, and ruthless.

"Severus! How are you?"

He allowed himself a slight smirk. "Largely the same. Has your son tired of macramé?"

The goddess snorted. "Not likely. He was on the talk show 'Dory' yesterday."

Severus shook his head. "I heard. Something about shirtless crafts and buns of steel?"

Aphrodite shrugged. "Well, he was a sex god for eons."

Severus picked up a sinfully dark truffle and bit into it.

She watched him from the corner of her eye for a moment. "You didn't come here just to eat a few truffles Severus. What's on your mind?"

He squared his shoulders. "I'm having a bit of a problem with my powers."

She gave him her full attention. "How so?"

"There is a witch of my acquaintance…one from before I was dragooned into this position."

She smiled sweetly, showing perfect teeth, if you didn't take into account the slightly elongated canines. Severus never made the mistake of underestimating her because of her beauty. Of course…that might be because he had a different standard…he found that he much preferred whiskey-colored eyes to violet…and chestnut curls over golden silk.

"She's been resisting my…attempts at finding her an appropriate partner."

"What do you mean by appropriate?"

"Someone worthy of her of course."

She raised a perfectly sculpted golden eyebrow. "Shouldn't she be the one to choose?"

"She's been rather lax on that point…she was never social per se, but since the War…"

"Ah-ha. So this witch meant something to you before."

"Not particularly. She was a nuisance, just like my other students."

Both of the goddess' golden brows lifted. Severus sighed. He could see he would get no help from her without an explanation.

 _Should have bloody well asked Athena. Or Hermes. Or even Hades._

"Well perhaps I was forced to be rather nasty to this particular student…and perhaps she was rather bright…I thought that I might make up for my past behavior by easing her way into a relationship, since her schoolmates seem to think she is unable to secure a partner."

"And since you are the God of Sex, you feel the need to make matches as often as possible."

He shot her a glance as bitter as the 90% cocoa truffle he'd just popped into his mouth. "God of Physical Congress. And that's another little morsel you forgot to mention when I…wait no, I didn't _accept_ the position because I wasn't given a choice." He glared and popped another treat in his mouth.

She sucked the filling out of one the creams and licked the chocolate off her fingers. "I thought a clever god like you would pick up on it."

She chose another bon bon at random. "So tell me, what happened when you tried to make a match for her?"

"She completely ignored every partner I presented."

Aphrodite reached for a white chocolate truffle with a thoughtful expression. "Narcissism?"

Severus snorted. "No. Nor is she so wrapped up in her studies that she does not notice other human beings. She is polite and friendly, with absolutely no trace of desire. I'm afraid she is in love with someone who is…unavailable."

"That would be unfortunate Severus, but hardy the end of the world. If she doesn't feed it, in time her love will fade away or change and she'll be able to find another."

Severus pushed away from the counter and paced fitfully. There was something…off in Aphrodite's reaction.

"Is there another reason?"

Aphrodite shrugged. "Occam's Razor. Her being in love with someone she can't have is the most likely scenario. The other possibilities are quite unlikely. The only thing you can do is try to figure out who she fancies."

Bring Hermione Granger and Harry Potter together? Every feeling, every iota of his soul found that idea nauseating. Then he considered that the bloody boy who lived might make the bushy-haired little swot happy.

Sweet Circe served with teriyaki sauce. He supposed he had to try.

SS

He hovered around Hermione: at work…at her flat…when she did her shopping. She barely registered the increased sex drive of those around her, beyond some slight eye-rolling, and the occasional muttered oath when her upstairs neighbors got a bit too loud…(Even Severus was wishing for a pair of earplugs after two days of constant moaning, groaning, and slapping flesh. Seriously…when were they EATING? And didn't they ever sleep?)

He could easily claim that he was drawn to her lovely collection of books…they covered every available wall all over the flat. Her one-person dinette was shoved in a corner of her dining room to make way for bookcases…it was the only personal thing in the space…and some would claim that it was almost as personal as a public library.

Severus sneered mentally at the dunderheads that would think that this was an impersonal collection of volumes. Each one was a treasured pet of its mistress…each book gave a hint at the contents of her mind…and judging by these hints, her mind was a lovely place to be.

He sighed as he closed a treatise on ancient runes. She was asleep on the couch…she had left him the oversized chair, almost as if she'd sensed him there.

Or more likely she preferred the couch.

Her neck would get stiff if she slept like that.

He pulled her into his arms and she snuggled into his chest. He smoothed the curls away from her face. Surely he could tuck her into bed without arousing her suspicions. Her fluffy monstrosity of a bed was no match for his power and the sheets turned down with ease. He didn't dare do more than take off her shoes and take down her hair, but she looked slightly more comfortable.

Smiling to himself, he turned out the light.

 **SS**

There were those who might imply on occasion that Hermione Granger was a bit…unobservant. She supposed that she might be guilty of wearing the same black robes three times in a single week (after they'd been laundered of course) and there had been a time or two (since the end of the war) that she'd managed to forget the day of the week….

But by in large, she was extremely observant about those things that mattered.

And there was something off in her flat. She knew exactly where each and every book was located in her improvised library, and she knew exactly what she had or had not read in any given time period. And there were books out of place in her flat that had nothing to do with her current research.

And that was a puzzle because her wards should keep out anything short of a new dark lord.

Then there were the much more frequent trysts that were occurring around her. She could excuse the couple in the flat upstairs because she knew they were recently married (though in the year they'd been living up there they hadn't made anything NEAR that amount of noise) but the random couples in the halls of the Ministry, in the park…at the grocery store (yuck)…the flirtatious glances that she had gotten from any number of single (and not-so-single) wizards and witches…

She was beginning to wonder if there wasn't a subtle lust spell attached to everyday objects…perhaps the Daily Prophet (she still refused to read that rag) or maybe something in the water?

She conducted detection spells quietly and was wondering if she could bring Harry into her little conspiracy theory when she caught a hint of it.

She'd been reading, and she caught the first whiff. She inhaled deeply, thinking that it might have been the book (which she'd bought used after all…could it have once been his?). The scent did not linger, but she noticed it three times over the next few days.

She drew the most logical conclusion.

Severus Snape really was dead.

And for whatever reason, he was haunting her.

 **AN: Chapter 5 will be out tomorrow.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Chapter 5!**

He noticed when she started looking out of the corner of her eye occasionally. It was less than a week after he'd taken up invisible residence in her home, at her side. It wasn't as if he had anywhere else to be…and she wasn't in some lust-filled haze when he was around her. She was good company, if largely silent. She rarely vocalized as she made notations, didn't sing in the shower or mutter to herself as she went about her daily routine.

But she did seem to look out of the corner of her eye more than most people.

So it was somewhat shocking when she put down her book on a Friday evening as her neighbors rattled her lighting fixtures and called his name.

"Severus?"

He was momentarily stunned, then flabbergasted, then amused. Of course she'd found him out. They didn't call her the brightest witch of her age for nothing.

The real question was…to go or to stay?

One look in her bourbon-colored eyes convinced him that staying was the proper thing to do.

"I'm here."

She spun around…looking for him.

"This would be more comfortable if I could see you."

He sighed. "Of course Miss Granger."

"It's Hermione. If you're planning on haunting me for the rest of my life for my actions at the final battle the very least you can do is use by given name while doing it."

"Why would I haunt you?"

She wrinkled her brow in the most adorable way imaginable.

Her voice was very small. "Because we left you."

He couldn't help himself…he laughed.

"And what should you have done? Tried to save a known death eater while you should have been helping Potter save the Wizarding world? If you had doubted me enough to work to save me, Voldemort would have seen the doubt in Potter's mind and he would have killed me before I managed to get the blasted memories to the boy." He sighed thought back to those dark days of war. "I still can't believe that that crack-pot plan worked."

A startled laugh bubbled up from inside his companion. "Me either." She sobered quickly. "If you aren't here to haunt me, why…?"

"I'm not dead."

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed a wonderful happy sort of smile that tugged at his heart.

"But what have you been doing all this time…and why show yourself to me…now?"

He could tell her the truth…but would she believe him?

He ran a long pale finger over his mouth, thinking through every angle.

"I suppose you could say that I've been doing very detailed research into the history of magic. With sources that are a bit…unconventional. Being here, now is…part of what I've been doing these past five years."

She gave him a half-grin. "Mysterious as ever. I'll put the kettle on, and you can tell me how I can help."

He looked down his nose.

"What makes you think I need help?"

She didn't even turn as she headed to the kitchen. "Why else would you visit me?"

 _Why else indeed._

 **SS**

He found himself telling her the whole story: "And so, with nary a moment to argue, I was handed a goblet and turned into this." He sneered at his own body. "I must admit that I don't mind relief from the various aches and twinges that I had collected over a lifetime of serving a madman…or two…."

She tried to hide a smile at his subtle jab at Dumbledore.

"That's why…"

"Why your neighbors are acting like nifflers in heat, yes." He shot a reproachful look at the wall.

He took a long sip of her tea, apparently organizing her thoughts. "I understand that…and the bit about the Gods…though Merlin, I'm not sure how to accept that…"

"It's best to think of them as people…they aren't anything like what we would expect of a true deity. All but a few of them have the emotional maturity of a three year old. Most of them are so wrapped up in their area of dominance that they don't really pay attention to the world around them, and some I could mention like Zeus and Eris are so short-sighted and petty they make Voldemort look like a brilliant long-ranger tactician with a huge capacity for mercy. From what I can tell, even the eldest of them are no more than four thousand years old."

She frowned "But that's even stranger in a way. It means that anyone with magic is actually part of this…"

"Family?" His voice dripped with companionable sarcasm.

She smiled slightly. "I'm fairly certain that's not the correct term…"

"Bloodline then." He took a quick sip of the tea. It was perfectly adequate, but lacked the kick he'd come to expect from nectar. "And according to the Olympians, that is correct."

"You don't trust them."

"That's not entirely correct. Athena is positively lovely. Hades is good company when he has a few minutes to chat. Hermes isn't a bad guy when he isn't running around after Zeus….Aphrodite? Well, as long as your interests align with her interests you are perfectly safe." He gave Hermione a half-smile. "Most of the rest of them? I don't trust them as far as I could toss Hagrid without magic."

"So why are you…"

"Accepting this? I had very little choice. No matter what their true origins are, their power is very real. I must admit that I prefer this existence, such as it is, to being dead. The power is a part of me now, and I find myself drawn to my area of supposed dominance."

She tried not to choke on her tea.

He smirked slightly. "Surprised."

She patted her mouth with a napkin lightly.

"A bit. You must admit you were fairly intolerant of liaisons during school."

"Pardon me if I saw it as my duty as a teacher to keep the hormonal dunderheads from procreating on school property. If I seemed annoyed, it was because I generally _was_ during the years you were at Hogwarts."

"Only during those years?"

The corner of his mouth curled slightly. "I had my moments."

SS

As much as he enjoyed her company, nothing would make Severus agree to reveal his continued existence to the general public…and to her credit, Hermione agreed with him completely.

"Why should you? It's no one's business if you don't . If I had the opportunity to shed this entire persona, I'd take it in a minute. The papers follow me and Harry around looking for anything they can print. Ron barely speaks to either of us because of stories they've run…and Molly Weasley eyes me like a dog that is afraid I might steal her steak."

"I take it that she approves of the marriage between her daughter and Mr. Potter."

He was watching her carefully, but she didn't show any visible sign of unrequited love.

"Ginny will be perfect for Harry once she actually feels secure about him. She's just having a bit of trouble with the publicity. In between her Quidditch career and Harry's continued fame…" She shook her head slightly.

"She's jealous of you."

"I don't know about that. Harry and Ginny split up about the same time that Ron and I did the fall after Hogwarts. Harry and I didn't have anyone but each other. We sort of looked at each other one night and decided to give it a go. It didn't last long. I'm just glad that we managed to keep the friendship. Ginny and Harry started dating again about a year ago. I've been persistently single. It's just too difficult with the Prophet showing up every time I go on a first date."

"Thus, your current quandary about Potter's wedding."

"I don't see why I should have to bring a date simply to ease Ginny's paranoia."

"You shouldn't. But if you truly wish to bring someone, I can easily change my appearance to accompany you."

She looked torn. "I wouldn't want to impose."

He broke in with a silky assurance. "No imposition. Consider it a thank you for use of your library."

She glanced at her horde of books with a smug expression. "Just don't tell Ginny that I had to bribe you with reading material to get a date."

SS

In truth, Severus did have a slightly selfish reason for going to the wedding. He wanted to ascertain Hermione's true feelings toward Potter. If she did indeed love the dunderhead, he supposed he'd have to call in a favor and send Ginny Weasley to an uncharted island with an anti-apparition charm or some such nonsense. It would also be an ideal opportunity to observe Hermione among her peers.

To that end, he changed himself into a suave, classically handsome wizard. He was a bit shocked by the dismay on Hermione's face.

"You couldn't look a bit more like yourself?"

"My physiognomy is rather unmistakable….but if it would make you more comfortable…" He changed into a younger version of himself, with glasses. "This will not play well in the papers you know. They'll be ranting about my love child in tomorrow's edition."

She smiled up at him. "You would have had handsome sons."

He raised a brow. "I'll take you to see the goddess of glasses tomorrow."

AN: And there you are…expect chapter 6 Tuesday, though I admit I will post it earlier if I finish editing it first. My weeks are incredibly busy (I work 13 hour days, five days a week)


	6. Chapter 6

You know I wouldn't endure this for just anyone." The wizarding hotel in France was arguing that they had reserved one room rather than two. In French. Hermione was livid.

Severus took a swig of nectar from a hip flask and grumbled "We can share a room."

A familiar voice behind them said "Can you?"

Harry Potter eyed Severus with at least as much suspicion as he had in school. Severus found himself wrapping an arm around Hermione. "As a gentleman..."

Hermione broke in. "Harry, this is my date." Severus held out the hand that wasn't firmly wrapped around Hermione "Septumus Prince." Hermione smiled at him.

Harry frowned at his best friend. "He's a relative of Snape's?" Hermione nodded.

Harry eyed him with slightly less suspicion. "Let me fix the room issue. I wouldn't want you to be cramped." Severus bit back a smile. Potter was still as subtle as an Avada between the eyes.

 **SS**

Even Harry Potter couldn't arrange another room in the over-booked hotel. Hermione sighed once they entered their room. "Harry should be too busy to put you through another inquisition."

Severus snorted. "For you, he will make time. He invited me to his stag party tomorrow." Severus tried to hide his dismay. Scantily clad females, drunk men, and the god of sex were not a good combination.

"We will just have to find a way around stag night. Merlin knows I want no part of hen night with Ginny."

Severus allowed the corner of his mouth to turn up. "You could be so in love with your new date that we only leave the room for the actual ceremony."

"And then when this is over they would all wonder where you went. It is going to be hard enough to cover up dating Severus Snape's cousin. Harry always implied I fancied the real you." Severus wondered at the slight blush. A schoolgirl crush? He'd been the subject of one or two. The idea of Hermione Granger having one was almost fascinating, at least it was now...years after her maturity. "Do you have another plan for missing the pre wedding festivities? I can assure you, I have discovered that I need to avoid stag and hen nights."

Hermione dimpled. "How do you feel about flowers?"

"That their proper place is chopped up. And in a cauldron."

"I guess we shouldn't volunteer to help with the decor." He gave her a quelling glance.

Hermione sighed. "Alright, we will be the annoying guests who cannot seem to leave their rooms."

Severus smirked. "With me here, the odds are high that we won't be the only ones."

 **SS.**

Hermione blushed as Arthur Weasley nuzzled his wife's neck in a way that left no room for doubt about the tone of his thoughts. Bill and his wife hadn't made it through dinner. Ron's hands were traveling over his date's arms. Harry and Ginny were restraining themselves, but Ginny kept giggling. Love the one you are with seemed to be the major theme. Severus made sure that his attention was both marked and gentleman-like. Giving her his undivided attention was easy. Keeping himself from adding skilled caresses under the table was more difficult. She looked lovely in the blue silk dress she had chosen.

"Well that was a special sort of torture."

Hermione giggled despite herself. "You saw Arthur tuck Molly's knickers into his pocket?"

Severus sighed. "I missed that. Thank Zeus."

Hermione smiled fondly at him. "Thank you for being here with me." He took her smooth hand. "My pleasure." He forced himself to release her before he gave into the urge to pull her into his arms. He could feel his power reaching for her and he ruthlessly sent it all over the hotel. The walls on both sides of their room began to shake. Hermione rolled her eyes. "Silencing charms aren't that difficult."

Severus bit back a grin. Being with her reminded him that it had been far too long since he had felt silken skin against his own, but it reminded him of other things as well. He had never had anyone he could laugh with on his bed. He lifted her hand to his lips. "I think I will take a walk and let the tension die down a bit." Hermione nodded, though her eyes were dilated. His damnable power at work. He left her quickly, unwilling to use his power to seduce her.

 **SS.**

He walked the hotel grounds, unwilling to be away from her but hoping she would rest. The wedding rehearsal was the next day. She needed her sleep. He would have wrapped himself in shadows if he'd known Potter would be out as well.

"So…Septimus."

Severus fought not to roll his eyes. "Potter."

There was a tiny grin from Potter. Severus supposed that he sounded like himself.

"I don't remember you from Hogwarts."

"I graduated before your arrival."

"In Slytherin?"

"Ravenclaw."

"And you are related to Severus Snape…how?"

"Why do you care?"

"I'm just looking out for Hermione."

"Because the two of you dated?"

"Because she's the only human being in the world who has always stuck by me, no matter how stupid my plans were. She'll always be family to me."

Severus eyed the boy curiously. "You aren't in love with her?"

"I love her, but that's not the same thing. So you understand that if you hurt her they'll never find your body."

Severus almost smiled. "I suppose that's fair."

Potter looked slightly bemused as Severus walked away.

 **SS**

In the end there wasn't a reason to get out of the invitations to stag and hen night. Ginny demanded to be allowed to come to Harry's stag night, and everyone 'agreed' that a combined party would be more 'fun'. (Who could do anything else hen Ginny's wand was clearly ready to hex those that disagreed?)

Severus could see who was going to wear the pants in that relationship.

The witch's jealousy was unusual enough that he found himself looking for divine intervention. He occasionally ran into other members of the pantheon…and other pantheons for that matter. It would be just his luck to attend a wedding where the bride was under the influence of the God of Jealousy.

But Ginny's attitude meant that he and Hermione got to spend the night before the wedding dancing slowly. Other couples were in and out…(Severus was pleased that his body no longer required the use of public restrooms…there was no telling what was going on them tonight).

Being with her was delicious torture. His body was inches away from hers. Her eyes were looking up at him like he was the only man in the room. He could smell her hair and light perfume, and every once in a great while, her breasts brushed his chest as they danced.

His desire for her fed his power. He spun it away from the two of them and showered it all over the province. Couples stumbled out of the room.

Severus turned his full attention to Hermione. His fingers brushed the delicate skin on her neck. He leaned close, brushing the very edge of her ear with his nose.

"Perhaps we should leave."

Her pupils dilated as she reacted to his voice in her ear.

She swallowed a bit. "Yes…let's go back to the hotel."

Damn his power. How he wished she'd actually meant that the way it sounded.

 **SS**

As they passed the doors, loud exclamations came from room after room. Severus winced.

Hermione glanced up at him.

"Is there any way to…undo this? To go back to just being you?"

He shook his head. "Even if they'd let me resign the position, I'd be rather more dead than I'd prefer."

She shot him a grin. "That is something of a complication."

He unlocked the room and motioned her inside. "One should avoid it if at all possible." He gave her a sideways grin. "Honestly, it's not normally so…"

"Powerful?"

He shrugged. "Well, I try not to stay in the same area for very long. Perhaps it's cumulative."

Or perhaps it reacted to his desire. That was more likely in his experience.

Hermione yawned. Severus turned away, more drawn than he liked to admit by her widening mouth and the little stretch she gave.

"I'll leave you to rest then."

She reached out, quicker than he would have expected, and snagged his wrist before he could go for his nightly stroll.

"You don't have to leave every night. You didn't at my flat."

He cleared his throat. "No, well, I try not to make people uncomfortable…and in such close quarters, with no door…"

"You don't make me uncomfortable."

Her admission (and perhaps those bright brow eyes) stirred something even deeper than his lust.

"Very well. Go rest. I'll just read that paper on experimental charms that you were writing last week…"

She rolled her eyes. "I know you don't have to sleep…but surely you need to rest." She patted the bed. "Rest. I'd hate to think of you being tired because of me."

He had absolutely no need to rest.

He sighed, calling himself seven kinds of fool. This was not going to do anything productive about the single thing his body WAS demanding from him…in fact it was becoming increasingly insistent.

But, as he allowed his head to hit the feather-filled pillow next to the woman that he lov…admired…he felt his eyes close.

He didn't even wake as Hermione snuggled into his chest…he merely pulled her close and settled down into sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Ok…So I think we've firmly established that I have no self control when it comes to posting. (I'm sure I'd catch more of the mistakes if I'd just re-read with more time between, but I can't wait).**

 **Unfortunately, the last chapter isn't ready and it won't be ready until Thursday…(I know this for a fact) So please enjoy this chapter, and know that the last one is being edited. Hope you have enjoyed reading as much I did writing!**

He woke the next morning feeling…refreshed. At some point during the night he had wrapped his long frame around Hermione. Her delicious curves were having a predictable result on his mutinous body, but he allowed himself to soak in her presence.

The ticking clock was a counterpoint to her heartbeat. He smoothed her curls lightly.

Then, he noticed that her heart had stopped.

Before he had time to panic properly (he was just gathering his power to do something…even he didn't know what) a low chuckle alerted him to the presence of a certain goddess of wisdom.

"Relax. I pulled you out of time so we could have a chat without waking your lady-love."

The power such a maneuver would take was immense, and Athena never wasted power.

He raised a brow, mutely demanding her true reason.

"Also, speaking like this will keep Iris and Hermes from knowing I gave you a heads up. Zeus is pissed."

Severus untangled himself carefully. "Do you mean he's gotten into a drinking contest with Odin and Thor again, or do you mean he's angry?"

"I mean he has Hephaestus making new lightning bolts which he intends to toss at this hotel."

"Why, in the name of Merlin would he do that?"

Aphrodite appeared. "Because Eris told him that you were shagging your little mortal there." She looked Hermione over. "Not that I blame you, but you aren't very subtle."

"What did I ever do to Eris?"

Athena sighed. "Nothing that I know of…Eris is the Goddess of Discord. Sometimes she just likes making trouble for the sake of watching the fireworks."

"Brilliant." Severus pulled on his shoes. "I suppose I'll have to tell Zeus that quite unfortunately…I am not having inappropriate relations with Hermione Granger."

The Goddess of Love cocked her head to one side. "Really?"

Severus shrugged. "She seems fairly immune to my power."

The two goddesses exchanged a look. "And your sometimes dubious charm?"

"She seems immune to that as well."

Athena sighed loudly. "As goddess of eyesight I'd say that you were the one with vision problems. And don't think I didn't hear that crack about being goddess of glasses…that was one of my favorite inventions! People could read years after they'd normally have to stop…"

Aphrodite shushed her indignant cohort and motioned to Severus. "For now we need to get back to Olympus before the king of the gods does something he won't think about enough to regret."

 **SS**

They arrived in Olympus the same second that they left the Earth. Zeus was in the throne room, throwing a tantrum under the eyes of his listless subjects. Eris looked rather smug.

Zeus glared at him over his beard and thundered "So…you've returned. After breaking one of the greatest taboos in the cosmos."

"I am no one's lover, and I have not been for years." Severus felt his power lift him. He'd been causing a great deal of love-making, and his power had grown.

Hades appeared in a swirl of blue fire. "Is something amiss brother?"

"You descendant is accused of breaking the taboo."

Hades raised a brow. "My power allows me to discern the truth."

Zeus spun his lightning bold absently. "That is why I called you."

Hades sighed. "Very well. Severus, have you taken a mortal love?"

"I have not taken a lover. As far as I know, the taboo only concerns the body."

Hades gave him small smile. "He does not lie."

Severus gave him a stern glance that had once sent students fleeing. Unsurprisingly, it was less than effective on the god of death.

"Eris. Why do you believe that our newest god has broken the taboo?"

But the goddess of discord was nowhere to be seen.

Zeus frowned. "Hermes…find Eris." The messenger god rolled his eyes and flitted away.

Severus sighed. "If you'll excuse me, I have a wedding to attend."

 _Why would Eris make something like that up? She had to know it wouldn't work…_

Severus felt deeply uneasy as he flung himself back to the Earth. Time ran different in Olympus…how long had he been gone?

 _And was that the real reason for dragging him from Hermione's side?_


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: So here we are, at the last chapter. Do you remember that I said this was a little cracky? Well, I did warn you.**

 **That said, JKR owns everything related to Harry Potter. And as for the Greek Gods…I'm not going to argue with Aphrodite about merchandizing rights. That Goddess is scary.**

When Severus arrived at the wedding, things were going very badly indeed.

The entire area set aside for the ceremony was a disaster, and curses were flying so fast it was hard to identify them. He heard a familiar voice as he appeared. "Severus…I mean Septimus…"

He pulled Hermione close and cast a strong shield around them. It was a necessary step because Ginny Weasley looked like a red eyed, deranged harpy.

"I don't know what got in to Ginny! One minute she was walking down the aisle, and the next she was shooting curses at me!"

"That's not Ginny Weasley."

The figure tossed back her head and laughed. The red hair was replaced with braided black locks of varying lengths in a distinctly punk style.

Severus growled. "Eris."

The room was suddenly very still.

She gave him a mocking bow.

"What are you doing?"

"You spoiled my fun Severus Snape. I had a plan for Tom Riddle. I groomed him to be the perfect tool of discord. He was a masterpiece! And you these young fools caused his downfall." She changed shape and pouted in the form of Bella. The deranged goddess gave Hermione a saucy wink before returning to her original form.

"I did my part. So you were playing the part of Bellatrix. For how long?"

"Only during the final battle. Dear Tom needed very little goading, but I didn't want to miss the climax of everything I'd worked to achieve. Great Brittan would have fallen to utter chaos! I suppose I'll just have to take a more active role now and get rid of the things that annoy me.. Starting with removing all this love and harmony. They we'll see if little Harry Potter can be the next dark lord once his beloved Ginny is killed by his dearest friend and the man that he thought was a dead hero. Don't you think that would be delicious?"

Severus pulled Hermione behind him. "Where is Ginny Weasley?"

Eris grinned: her teeth were very sharp. "She's safe enough. Once I lead little Harry into destroying everything he loves, I'll bring her back so I can destroy him as well. Discord and suffering piled on discord and suffering!"

The room shook and the golden Goddess of Love appeared in a shower of rose petals and wrath. "You did not just interrupt a wedding…MY area of power with this nonsense?"

Discord turned to Aphrodite with a savage look on her face. "Stay out of it! It's none of your business."

"You started this at a wedding! That makes it my business. You are lucky Hera did decide to tag along. What are you doing here?"

Eris rolled her eyes. "I always show up to weddings. I do some of my best work at receptions. You know….bar fights, drunken uncles misbehaving…the occasional mass murder…"

"I'm warning you, stop this."

"Or what? You'll attack me with flying hears and a couple of doves? Please, this isn't Sailor Moon."

And suddenly there was no punk goddess of Discord in front of them. Just a very put-out pig with a big pink bow wrapped around her neck.

The pig squealed and started hopping from one foot to the other, squealing what were obviously obscenities at the golden-haired goddess of love.

The Goddess of love had a savage grin on her lovely lips. "Screw with me and I will take you out at the knees."

Severus bowed at the neck. "There is nothing more ruthless than love."

Aphrodite gave him a playful wink. "People always underestimate it. But what they don't understand is that true love is truly frightening."

She turned back to Eris, with nothing playful in her demeanor. "I have a message from Zeus. He ordered us not to interfere with the Voldemort situation. You disobeyed. He let me choose your punishment…if you're a good little Goddess, I might change you back to your true form in a few decades. But right now I'm more inclined to make bacon." The pig squealed and scampered out.

Severus frowned at her. "Frankly, I think bacon would have been the better option."

Aphrodite shrugged. "Eris has her place. When systems get too stable they tend to get stale and you need a little discord to keep from being stagnate as a society…but like anything else, she's dangerous when left unchecked. We have to rein her in at least once a century. Zeus decided it was my turn since she started all of this at a wedding. And because it was a wedding, even Hera backed up his decision."

The goddess of love smiled. "Now…let's get this show back on the road…"

SS

The day that Harry Potter married Ginny Weasley would go down in wizarding history. Everyone agreed that there had never been a more perfect wedding. In fact, when pressed, that was the only way most people could describe it.

No one noticed that Hermione Granger and her beau left the festivities early.

"Severus…"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for coming."

He laughed bitterly. "My presence precipitated a full on battle between the Goddess of Discord and the Goddess of Love and you thank me for attending?"

Her lips twitched. "Well, it wasn't boring."

"I suppose not." He sighed "I should probably move along. I haven't spent so much time on one place since my…conversion, and I'm afraid that a population boom will begin in the next nine months."

She sighed. "I wish you could stay."

He looked at her with his ebony eyes, leaving so many things unsaid. It would be cruel to tell her how he felt. He couldn't pursue her without bringing down calamity on them both.

He should let her go.

Aphrodite swirled in with an unwilling Athena at that moment.

The goddess of wisdom gave Severus an apologetic look. "Sorry to disturb you…"

Aphrodite interrupted. "I'm not! I just had the most fabulous idea, and Athena agrees with me 110%"

Athena muttered "There is no such thing as 110%" then she cleared her throat.

"We've been searching for a witch or wizard with the appropriate bloodline to take over Thoth's position as God of Libraries. It's been vacant since he and Helios retired to Bermuda."

Severus frowned. He supposed it wasn't a bad fit…but for some reason he was reluctant to give up his place. Did that brat, Cupid want his area of dominance back?

Athena continued "It's been difficult to find the proper bloodlines, because Thoth was adopted into the Greek pantheon from Egypt."

Aphrodite beamed and turned to Hermione, much to Severus' shock. "I didn't think much of it when Severus mentioned you were immune to his powers, but your family has traces of Hermes, Thoth, and Baalat. It's not recent of course, coming from a non-magical home, but the traces are there!"

Athena nodded. "Hermione is a family name, is it not?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes."

Athena smiled. "It's the feminine form of Hermes of course."

Severus interrupted. "You are not feeding her ambrosia to see if she'll burn to ash." The disgust in his voice was clear.

Athena nodded. "Actually, Hermes purloined a golden apple from Hera's tree. It would make Hermione a Goddess without the chance of incineration." She waved the fruit in the air like a prize…which wasn't far off because it was guarded by a dragon.

"Aren't those apples rather hard to get?"

"Hermes felt badly because Eris attacked you. He keeps an eye on his descendants. He's so fast it wasn't much work to get it, and Hera always turns a blind eye to his mischief."

"I think this is a horrible idea. Hermione should not be forced into this because there is some celestial vacancy."

Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "Don't be a dunderhead Severus Snape. I arranged all this because the only reason she'd be immune to your power is if you fancied her and she returned the favor. For a brilliant man who is also the God of Sex, you can be very slow about relationships."

Severus didn't deny fancying her. He just grumbled "God of Physical Congress."

The lovely golden goddess gave an indelicate snort. "Whatever."

Hermione was beaming. She snagged the apple without further ado, and took a large bite.

Severus watched in awe as every hair on her head, her eyes, her skin, filled with light as the apple changed what had been mortal into something that wasn't.

She licked the juice off her fingers and mischievously offered the apple to Severus. "Bite?"

He smirked. "Now you are deliberately mixing your mythologies."

"Perhaps, a bit. But it's also the best thing I've ever tasted."

Aphrodite gushed. "Wait until you try ambrosia. Finish the apple and we'll get you to the library of Alexandria."

"I thought it was destroyed." Hermione's eyes were wide and excited.

"Only the physical version. The other version resides in Olympus and it automatically makes copies of every book that has ever been written. And it hasn't had a librarian in eons."

Hermione gave Severus a greedy look. "All those books…"

"They are quite tempting." He pulled her close and gave her a kiss that left her breathless. "But the books will wait. I think there are matters between the two of us that take precedence."

Hermione sighed and wrapped him in her magic: they were suddenly in her bedroom.

"You took to that quickly."

"I've always been a good student, and I've been watching you manipulate this energy for weeks…I have some theories on how it might bypass the need for the focusing power of a wand…"

As much as he wanted to hear the theories behind what she'd just accomplished, he stopped her words with a kiss.

There would be time later for eons of debating magical theory. He chuckled darkly in between sinful kisses.

She was his now. And he was never going to have to let her go.

SS

Two goddesses looked through a magical mirror the scene until Athena blanked the image.

Aphrodite stomped her Jimmy Choo clad toes in disbelief. "Seriously? Just when they are getting to the good part?"

Athena sighed. "Don't you think they've earned some privacy?"

"But we set up the entire thing…I even had to talk my son into moving from God of Sex to God of Macramé for Hera's sake!"

"And now our two favorite mortals are not only together, but also immortal. I'd say that securing intelligent conversation for eons was well worth the effort."

Aphrodite pretended to pout, and then said slyly "Not to mention how this is going to affect council decisions by skewing the voting in our favor. We'll have enough votes to veto Zeus again!"

Athena, goddess of wisdom and tactics gave a small internal sigh. She should have known. Aphrodite never did anything without more than one reason.


End file.
